Krampus: Movie Review

It’s a bit late in the year for me to be writing this (due to the film in question being a holiday film), but you’ve heard of Christmas in July, have you not? It’s approaching and so, with that, I would like to talk about the film Krampus, while I am listening to the Jailbreak album by Thin Lizzy.
Before I get started, I need to state that I haven’t seen Krampus since it was out in theaters, but I bought it today for $11.99 and decided to write about it despite not having watched it.  I am sure will make for a very interesting, yet fun read. So here we go…

Krampus, the 2015 film directed by Michael Dougherty (Trick r Treat) is a Christmas themed horror/comedy film and not a straight-to-DVD film that you would have found back in November (I’m looking at you Krampus: The Reckoning). Krampus stars some familiar faces, such as the guy from Parks and Rec (Adam Scott), the bald man that shouts “whammy” in anchor man (David Koechner), the grumpy maid from Two And a Half Men (Conchata Ferrell), and the kid from Jumanji (you’ll get it once you watch the film) as they attempt to survive Christmas Eve as Krampus does mean, Krampusy things.

For me this film played out perfectly. It was one of the best films that I have seen in theaters in the past year.  However, if I’m not mistaken, it had gotten mixed reviews from people who were pissed that it wasn’t “scary enough” or that it wasn’t “funny enough.”  It’s a damn Christmas movie, you morons.  There needs to be a balance somewhere between “scary” and “funny,” and Krampus found that middle ground perfectly. It played out like Gremlins in a lot of ways; if you’re a kid, it will probably give you nightmares, but as an adult you can chuckle at it.

I absolutely love the dry humor in it.  I’m not sure if that’s the proper phrase but when something comedic plays out, it isn’t thrown in your face like it is in Adam Sandler movies. This felt more like Ghostbusters humor.

Really, at this point in writing, I’m certain that I’ve covered enough about Krampus. What’s my pitch to go see it? This terrible write up about it? Yeah boooooiiii, you better believe it. Despite it being a bit late in the year, go out and grab a copy and save it for the holiday season. But this review is a Horror-Writers exclusive. CHRISTMAS IN JULY, before any other horror website could start posting about holiday movies to check out, we did it.

Now on another, slightly more important topic: can we discuss how the worlds governments are being run by a race of reptilian humanoids?

Horror News: July 22, 2015

I’m going to try to make this a regular feature here, but that’s only if I can keep the demons at bay.  The plan is to just kind of talk about some news in the horror community.  I probably won’t just start making stuff up.

Ghostbusters
I know I’m a little late on this, but Paul Feig released a cast photo of the Ghostbusters reboot.  Let me just take a look and…

hw news - ghostbustersHOLY SHIT!  They nailed it.  It’s perfect.  Goddamn perfection right there.  Look at the Ecto-1. It’s perfect and beautiful.
Look at Kate McKinnon.  Mind-blowingly perfect.

hw news - ghostbusters egonShe’s cartoon Egon and I love everything.

Pacific Rim 2
Rumor has it, this begins shooting in November.  In preparation, I will be watching Pacific Rim every day until the sequel comes out.  Maybe just the fight scenes.  Maybe all of it.  I’m a complicated person.

Krampus
Michael Dougherty made Trick R Treat and that movie kicks ass.  So much ass.  It’s filled with terrible people doing terrible things, but I love it all the same.  His latest movie, Krampus, will be released on December 4th, and the poster is amazing.

hw news - krampus posterIt stars Adam Scott, Toni Collette, David Koechner and Allison Tolman, and it is already guaranteed to be on my “rewatch every Christmas” list.
It’s worth noting that The Mystic Party’s podcast with Krampus is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

Dead 7
Nick Carter – Nick FUCKING Carter – is working on a script for Asylum, described as “zombie western futurific horror”, because he spilled his bowl of Alpha-Bits and that’s what the letters spelled.  Joey Fatone and other people from N’Sync/Backstreet Boys/New Kids On the Block/One Direction/2gether may be joining the cast.  Or maybe they won’t.  I’m not a mind reader.
I assume Alpha-Bits are still a thing.

Sinister 2
Remember how Sinister was good?  Besides about 5 minutes in the middle where kids were doing goddamn ballet in the house, and the very end where Bagul screamed “JUMP SCARE” at the screen, I mean.  Well, I finally watched the trailer for Sinister 2 and can confidently say that it will be dogshit.

They took the best parts of the original and said, “You know what? Needs more Bagul jumping around and shit.”

The Green Inferno
Eli Roth’s cannibal movie finally got distribution.  Now it’s gone.  Now it’s back on.  Now it’s gone again.  Just call me when it shows up out of the blue.  I’m too tired be tracking all of these movements.
On the plus side, season 3 of Hemlock Grove is coming next year.
Not really a plus side, I guess.  That show is terrible.

The Town That Dreaded Sundown
The DVD for the remake finally got released.  If you want the Blu Ray, you’ll have to go to Best Buy, as that’s the only place you can get it until September 8.  My point is, buy this movie please.

Poltergeist
When the remake of Poltergeist comes out on DVD in September, one of the features will be an extended cut of the movie.  If it’s anything other than 30 minutes of Sam Rockwell dancing with ghosts, I’m not interested.

hw_news_rockwell

 

That’ll do it for now.  Stay scary.