Dracula 3D: A Journey to the Brink of Sanity

Note: This was originally published in 2014.

On numerous occasions, Shawn has proclaimed this movie “the worst movie ever made”.  I believe Chassity has backed him up on these claims.

I took these bold proclamations as a personal challenge.  I sat through Blood Gnome – a movie about knock-off Ghoulies in the world of S&M – in its entirety.  I refused to believe that Dracula 3D could be worse.  It was directed by Dario Argento, for God’s sake.  I’ve never been a huge fan of the man, but at least his films have a visually interesting aspect to them.
And so, with half a bottle of Scotch at my disposal, I hit play and prepared myself for the onslaught of Dracula 3D in 2D.

May my non-existent children forgive me.

My confusion started early, and set the stage for what was to come.  I swore the music playing over the credits was the same music used in Mars Attacks.  Was I to infer that Dracula was actually an alien?  I assumed the answer was an emphatic “yes”.  Dracula – THE Dracula – had given up pork.  I was left to wonder when (not if) Tom Jones would be showing up.  Dracula turning into a mantis.  It’s not unusual, indeed.

Within the first five minutes, I witnessed a busty young lass take off her clothes and get railed in a barn by a local (married) farmer.  In my experience, there’s nothing a woman likes more from her married lover than hurried, dirty sex in a barn.  At least throw on some Marvin Gaye, man.  They had a tiff afterwards (something about him being married, the cross she was wearing, and their differing opinions of the style in which As I Lay Dying was written, I believe), which led to her running through the woods from an owl and becoming Dracula’s newest plaything, while a man with a shotgun smiled and nodded his approval.

At this point, I had come to believe that I had contracted the flu.  Nothing else would explain these images currently being burrowed into my brain.

Not long after that, Jonathan Harker – who looked absolutely nothing like Neo – arrived at Dracula’s castle and noticed the lack of Dracula’s reflection in a mirror.  “Must be a trick of the light,” he said.  “Or proof that your parents haven’t conceived you yet,” I replied, cackling into my glass.  At this point, I went to the nearest mirror and was shocked to find that I also lacked a reflection.  I chalked it up to the Scotch, and not the madness this film was inflicting on me.  While it was still too soon to know for sure, I felt as though I were already past the point of no return.  Soon, I would be pulling off the legs of those closest to me and hearing terrible, disjointed music blared out from the heavens.
Or was that Yellow Brick Road?  At this point, it was impossible to tell.  I ditched the glass and decided to drink straight from the bottle.  The night was getting away from me.  Dracula had already claimed another victim, though I was not ready to admit it to myself just yet.

Naked ladies were everywhere now.  There was one, desperately trying to suck the life of out Jonathan’s bloody hand, stealing pictures of his wife, and engaging in some passionate necking.  There was another, being bathed as part of a sexy bathtime routine by her best friend.  There was another, descending the walls of Dracula’s castle on Rapunzel’s hair.  And still another, being thrown to the ground by Dracula and hissing at him while he bit into Jonathan’s (obviously) delicious neck.
Naked ladies and bad CGI dogmen are the only things that make sense to me anymore.  They are my currency, and I am their master.
At this point, I began to question the decisions of any director who thought it would be completely appropriate to film his daughter getting a sexy naked spongebath.  I may be in no position to judge, but that’s pretty weird.

I watched Renfield running bloody through the streets and wondered if it were him or me.  Had I somehow joined the characters onscreen, like some sort of Brea Grant-less Midnight Movie?  I checked myself, and found no blood.  It couldn’t be me, then.  So why was I howling at the moon?  And how did my clothes end up in tatters?  I looked to my bottle and found it was almost full.  Nothing makes sense anymore.

I watched a sick Lucy Kisslinger in bed and found one way we are similar: we both wear sheer nightgowns in front of our fathers.  Her father seemed more open to it than mine.  Was the Buffalo Bill voice just a bit too much?

“I dreamt a wolf tore a woman to pieces,” a frantic and increasingly helpless Mina Harker proclaimed.  I tipped back the bottle, drank deep and replied, “And I was that wolf.  And I was that woman.  And I was the ground on which it happened.”  I drank again and saw nothing but the wolf.  And he was hungry like he should be.

I recall flashes of activity: of life and death and blood and hope and love and loss.  And all of it washed over me like a waterfall.
I saw Dracula appear in a cloud of flies and lay waste to the establishment.
I saw wolves running around Mina and wondered aloud how Argento got those wolves to ignore the helpless woman on the ground while filming, and whether the first five Minas were torn to shreds.
I saw three cockroaches that I believe were supposed to be Dracula, but I was never quite sure.
I saw Rutger Hauer.
I saw a giant praying mantis climb a staircase and kill a fat man.  I laughed harder than I should have, which frightened my dog.  She looked at me and asked, “What are you doing with your life that you are here, right now, watching this?” but her lips never moved.

When the end finally came, it was swift and unrelenting.  I wasn’t sure if it was actually the end, or just the end of my already fragile mind.  I opened the DVD player and found that there was nothing in there.  Did any of this ever actually happen?

I pinched myself.  I was me.  I am me.  I am one.  I am a rock.  I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.

I looked up.  The TV was blank.  I got out of the chair to find that two days had passed.

I checked the mirror.

I had a reflection.

I had survived, though I have no idea what kind of life I am capable of anymore.

I left the bottle of Scotch next to my chair and walked outside into the great wide open.  I drank all of it in.  Every single inch.  I saw a bug fly by and smiled knowingly.

“I’ll see you again, Count.  I’ll see you real soon.”

Transmissions from Lexington Comic & Toy Convention 2018

Another year, another trip to Lexington Comic & Toy Convention. Every year I get excited and look at the list of guests far in advance, getting more and more excited. “Lou Diamond Phillips?! Pauly Shore?!?! Kevin Sorbo?!?!?! DOUG JONES!!!!!!!!!”

I do this for every convention I go to. I get excited about the media guests, yet I rarely meet them. I know that celebrities are a big draw for some people, but I just can’t get into it unless it’s someone I love and the line is short. That’s my criteria. At our first convention we met Kristine Sutherland and got her to wear Wolverine claws, and a couple years ago I met Caroline Williams. I think that’s it. I think it’s amazing that these people travel to these conventions to meet and talk to their fans for hours/days/weeks/months/lifetimes, and I think it’s great that fans are so excited to meet their heroes. But it’s something I’ve never been super into.

I really wanted to meet Doug Jones this year because he’s incredible and I love him deeply, but one look at the line to meet him tossed that idea from my head. I did lurk around his table for a while and he seemed genuinely happy to meet every single person that came up to him. They all left with smiles on their faces. Not Gentlemen smiles, either: real, honest-to-God smiles.

But you didn’t come hear to read about my thoughts on celebrities, did you?
Did you?
Because if you did, I’ve got some thoughts.
No? Okay then. Let’s get to it.

I’ve been doing the convention thing for a while now. I am by no means a seasoned vet, but I’ve picked up certain tricks over the years. One of those tricks is this: if you want to walk the floor, check out the booths and buy some stuff, Friday is the day. The floor is absolutely packed on Saturday, and by Sunday some vendors may be sold out of certain items. But Friday? Oh man, Friday you live like royalty. There are still a lot of people present, but it’s not nearly as packed as Saturday.

This year, my best sister and favorite brother-in-law joined me on Friday. I promised them room to walk and they jumped at the opportunity. We had a blast. You can see me and my sister here, posing in front of piles of garbage and lost limbs from last year’s comic con.

The Jawas stared at us, wondering if our heads would be the next ones to join the display. I stared back at them and made myself as big as I could, as if facing off against a jaguar. They didn’t flinch. I didn’t flinch. We stood like that for a solid 5 minutes before my sister grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and dragged me towards the convention floor.

It’s possible those were not real Jawas but I don’t think there’s any way to know for sure.

If the Jawas did steal from the wrong man, they were a very short walk from the Weasley’s flying car. I doubt they could activate the Invisibility Booster so they wouldn’t be making the most conspicuous getaway, but I don’t know that they particularly care about that.

As always, the smiling visage of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man welcomed us, arms open as if preparing for a welcoming embrace. “All are welcome here,” he seemed to say, “as long as you don’t have an unlicensed nuclear accelerator strapped to your back.”

We were greeted by an extremely sassy Jabba the Hutt, hands on his hips as he judged us from atop the pile of heads of his former enemies. Doctor Manhattan, Joker, Frankenstein, Ronan the Accuser, The Incredible Hulk and an entire host of others were destroyed at the hands of the giant, slobbering slug. He was a dominant, murderous force, and now he spends his day judging the fashion choices of all who walk by. He said particularly nasty things about the shoes I was wearing, but I knew he didn’t really mean it. My shoes were baller and he knew that.

Jabba’s sass promptly came to an end once he spotted Chewbacca on the floor. He wasn’t carrying a visible crossbow, but I know it was hidden somewhere in that fur. Not only is he a good boy, he’s also a really good shot and Jabba knew better than to risk it.

I’m trying to figure out what I find quite so off-putting about this interpretation of Van Gogh. My sister nailed it. It’s almost as if someone took a body, twisted his head completely around and dressed him up as if that was the way he was supposed to be. It was a twisted interpretation of the human body and it has haunted my dreams since I first saw him.

I wish I could have taken him home with me. Maybe because I secretly loved him, but mainly because I think keeping him close may help to keep the nightmares at bay. Something like a scarecrow for his dream self. I have zero idea if that actually works or not, but I feel it would be worth a shot. And, if it turns out it does work, I have a pretty good idea of how to make a little extra money the next time Freddy Krueger shows up.

I didn’t have to walk far to get a laugh that would make me forget the nightmarish form of a twisted Vincent van Gogh. The award for Costume That Made Me Laugh the Hardest goes to this woman for her depiction of the recently deceased Carl Grimes. It’s perfect. I mean, the hat, patch and angel accessories are obvious, but don’t overlook her shirt that reads “I’m Pudding This World Behind Me.” Words can’t properly express how much I love that shirt.

I looked up at the poster that hung over the convention floor and caught a glimpse of Greedo. As a solitary tear rolled down my cheek I said, “Greedo got the last shot.”

After having just seen Greedo, I felt zero remorse for this Scout Trooper. I hope one day you’re happy again for a few minutes and then you find out where that blue milk really came from.

And on that day I will be there and I will be laughing RIGHT IN YOUR FACE.

(Solid photobomb from the super happy girl over his shoulder. I strive to be that happy one day.)

This guy’s confident take on Shirtless Kylo Ren made me laugh entirely too hard. Kudos to you, sir.

You know I love Spider-Gwen. You also know I love a costume I’ve never seen before. BAM. Gwenom. It’s a cool twist on a costume I’ve seen dozens of times.

When stars collide / Like youuuuuuuuuuuuuu and I / No shadows block the suuuuuuuun

You’re all I ever needed / Oooooo baby you’re the one

Listen man. When you walk into a building in a mask and swords strapped to your back, you’re going to have your Hello Kitty backpack searched. That’s just the way it goes. I don’t make the rules.

When I saw Gwenom, I was convinced I had seen my favorite costume of the weekend. Ladies and Gentlemen, I was mistaken. Here is your costume of the weekend. This makes the second straight convention where my favorite costume was Beauty and the Beast inspired (check out my favorite costume at last year’s ScareFest here). It’s simple, but it’s a costume I’ve never seen before and it’s wonderfully done.

Some women want to find the sensitive creature inside the beast. Others just want to escape their captors and will do whatever it takes to be free.

Let’s talk about Sweet Tooth. Created by Jeff Lemire, Sweet Tooth follows a world that lost a large percentage of adults due to a mysterious virus. The children who were unscathed by the virus were all animal/human hybrids. It’s a unique comic to be sure, one that’s equal parts hopeful and heartbreaking. I want to revisit it at some point, but I’m not sure my heart is ready.

Anyway, I don’t know how popular or well-known it is, but I love it completely and I freaked out when I saw this gentleman dressed as the titular Sweet Tooth. I yelled “Sweet Tooth?!” louder than I had any reason to, seeing as how it was a relatively empty area. He looked nervously around for Jeppard. Once he realized help wasn’t coming, he resigned himself to have his picture taken.

Those deer hybrids are a jittery bunch.

I asked if I could take this guy’s picture and he responded with, “Sure man.” He may have actually been The Dude.

I was going to ask him what was in the bag but I already knew the answer. I’m a golfer.

My favorite costumes at conventions are the ones with a little thought put into them. Something that takes a character and looks at it from another angle, or mashes a couple characters together in a way that makes some kind of sense. Anyone could go to the store and buy a costume; what I’m looking for are the ones put together with love and care.

So it should come as no surprise to you that I absolutely adore this Captain America/Rosie the Riveter costume. It’s amazing and she was so happy every time I saw her.

I love these two kids and sincerely hope they make it in this crazy, mixed-up world. We’re all rooting for you.

I had a notion to walk celebrity row on Saturday, but it was packed. Unlike in past years, the celebrities weren’t on the main floor. They were set up on the floor of Rupp Arena. It was a really great idea and freed up the main floor, but getting in during a crowded time was a bit of a nightmare. Totally worth it if you wanted to meet one of the celebrities, but for someone just wanting to look around, it wasn’t worth it.

In a really cool move, they opened up some seating in Rupp Arena. From there, I was able to sit down, take a break and take in the chaos and beauty of celebrity row. It made it feel like everyone on the floor was on display. Like some grand experiment unfolding beneath me as I sat above it all. I was their puppet master. PULL THE STRINGS. PULL THE STRINGS.

Also, there were wookies walking around down there and I was really excited about that. It’s the simple things in life.

Last but certainly not least, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out some of the amazing purchases I made there.

I recently  moved to a new house and was looking for some art to put on my office walls. They just seemed so bare. Thankfully, the great Matt Peppler was set up with his tremendous artwork. These four are now hanging in my office, but there were a dozen more I could have easily bought. Everything he does is amazing. Check out his website and pick something up. Super nice guy and extremely talented. You can pick up an 8″ X 12″ poster for $10.

I was also looking for something for my daughter’s room. She’s not quite three years old and she loves Groot. When I came across this in a booth, I could help but buy it for her room. It was made by Pat Kenrick at Amourable Art. He had a ton of different themes to choose from, but Groot and Rocket was an easy choice. Check out his website and get lost in all the amazing.

I’ll close this out with a brief story of my brush with a celebrity.
On Friday, we hit celebrity row. As we were working out a plan, a man walked right in the middle of our group and stopped, looking around as if deciding where to go next.
That man? Kevin Sorbo. Hercules himself was briefly a part of our group. Before I was able to take a picture or ask him to Sorbonate something, he was off again, most likely in the direction of his table.
Anyway, he seemed cool and I think we’re best friends now.

So long everyone! See you at the next convention!

Bedtime Stories with Dusty: Volume 1

THE HAMMER GOES WHACK
A VERY SATISFYING CRACK
WHERE ELSE CAN I SWING MY FRIEND?
MAYBE SOMEONE IS WILLING TO MEET THEIR END

THE DARKNESS WILL HIDE US
YOU MUSTN’T BREATHE, MUSTN’T FUSS
THOSE THAT CROSS US MUST NOT SEE
THAT TONIGHT THE HAMMER RINGS FOR THEE

BODIES MAKE A TERRIBLE MESS, IT’S TRUE
WE SWUNG OUR HAMMER AND THE BLOOD IT FLEW
DIGGING GRAVES IS NO EASY TASK
BUT WE MUST DO WHAT THE DARKNESS ASKS

FEEL IT RUN DOWN YOUR CHIN
DEEP INSIDE IT MAKES ME GRIN
I DRINK IT LONG AND DRINK IT DEEP
THE BLOOD IT MAKES MY HEART DO A LEAP

Transmissions from ScareFest X

Ah, ScareFest. Truly the most wonderful weekend of the year.

This was a big one. For the 10th anniversary of the convention, they held a Nightmare on Elm Street reunion. Robert Englund, Amanda Wyss, Ronee Blakely, Brooke Bundy, Tuesday Knight, Lisa Wilcox, Andras Jones, Ricky Dean Logan, Miko Hughes and more, all there to help celebrate the 10th anniversary of this incredible con.

There were a lot of non-Nightmare celebrities in attendance as well. Dee Wallace, Danny Trejo, Kristy Swanson, Barry Bostwick, John Kassir and the normal assortment of ghost hunters that I have passing familiarity with.

I always get excited to see what celebrities are coming to the conventions I’ll be attending. To be honest with you, I don’t know why I do it. With the exception of a couple moments – like, say, the chance to get Joyce Summers to wear Wolverine claws – I never go up and talk to celebrities. It’s a combination of not having money and not knowing what to say. I know I’ll end up talking like I’m hosting The Chris Farley Show. “Hey. Remember when you killed that guy? That was awesome.”

I’ll go to the occasional panel, but I spend the bulk of my time walking the floor talking to people. People running the booths. People dressed up as their favorite horror icons. People eating lunch. Just people, man.

So let’s get to it. Who did I meet this year? What wonders did these eyes uncover? And, more importantly, who will survive and what will be left of them?

I met this gentleclown last year. His name is Calypso and he has been doing this for a very long time. See that black thing he’s carrying? That’s his homemade air cannon. He walks around the floor on stilts, blasting the air cannon at unsuspecting passerbys. But he doesn’t just shoot at anyone: he’s into the psychology of it. He likes to read people. If they seem like they won’t enjoy being messed with by a 7’5″ clown with an air cannon, he moves onto the next person.

If you happen to encounter him when he’s not terrorizing the villagers, I highly recommend starting up a conversation with him. He’s terrific.

Also, it’s worth noting that I have issues walking the floor as a regular person. Putting on stilts and navigating through the horde? No thank you.

Billy the Puppet likes JIGsaws, not CHAINsaws, you halfwit.

As always, Circus Envy and the Deadly Sins were at their normal booth. I feel like I talk about them every year, but I cannot stress this enough: they are some of the friendliest people you could meet. When they’re not putting on their show, you can find them talking to anyone and everyone who comes up to them, whether that’s at their booth or while walking the floor. They seem to love being there and they love interacting with people.

Here is Creepy Ronald “Pennywise” McDonald.  She’s the best. They’re all the best. Best best best.

Speaking of Pennywise, here we have BFFs Pennywise and Georgie. Terrific costumes, but I didn’t care for the way Pennywise was looking at me.

It was odd. I turned around for a minute and when I turned back, it was just a giant spider. Crazy world, man.

Pennywise waiting in line to meet Robert Englund. Just goes to show you that even your heroes have heroes.

This was my favorite moment of the weekend. The man crouching is Andras Jones. You may know him as Rick, the karate-loving high school student in Nightmare on Elm Street 4. This was immediately after the Nightmare on Elm Street panel and he was making his way back to his table. A lot celebrities that go to conventions make a beeline for their table and don’t really interact with fans unless they’re back there.

Andras saw a little girl dressed like Rick on the way back. Not only did he stop to chat, he crouched down to get on her level; to make sure he was eye-to-eye with her. I absolutely loved this. I’m not going to lie: I think a speck of dust got in my eye as I was taking this picture.

Hey. Speaking of the Nightmare on Elm Street panel…

It was a tremendous amount of fun and I learned a lot about the series as a whole, but there was one other thing I learned: when you have a long-running series and one actor is firmly in the center of every one, the vast majority of the questions are going to be answered by that one actor. Granted, when you have a star as well-known and charismatic as Robert Englund, it’s going to be a good panel. But I began to feel bad for those who weren’t as involved.

Amanda Wyss was in maybe 15 minutes of the first movie, but she was the first of Freddy’s on-screen victims, so she got to answer a couple questions. Andras Jones didn’t get any questions directed his way, but he was sitting next to Englund and is an outgoing guy, so he piped in on some questions that weren’t directed his way. Brooke Bundy proved herself to be extremely adept at comically cynical one-liners. But Miko Hughes – the son of Heather Langenkamp in New Nightmare – sat at the end of the table, silent as could be. Not a single question came his way, nor did a single opportunity to jump in on someone else’s question.

It was a fun panel – it was my first time seeing Robert Englund in person and that dude can command a room like few others I’ve seen – but I left feeling slightly bad for those who were less involved in the series.

One final note on this panel: Andras Jones repeatedly referred to Lisa Wilcox as “sis.” I love that.

This is just perfect. I can’t imagine it would be comfortable to walk the hot convention floor in a plastic bag, but I’m glad she did. I sincerely hope Amanda Wyss saw this.

This guy was standing in the entrance, staring like a maniac and moving his fingers in a supremely unnerving fashion. I loved him.

This Killer Klowns costume was…
[Don’t do it, Dusty. Don’t do it.]
KILLER.
I’m not even sorry.

More from Circus Envy. I cannot stress how much I love this group.

Dinosaur trainer and her dinosaur OH MAN LOOK AT THE LITTLE GIRL’S FACE!

The costume is too big for her, so that T-Rex shuffled all around the floor. Maybe the cutest thing I saw all weekend.

(Please take note of the discoloration in the bottom left corner. HAUNTED FLOOR!)

Also in the running for cutest thing I saw, this little girl with her hand on R2-D2. She wants to be Luke Skywalker in Rey’s vision so bad.

Absolutely my favorite costume of the weekend. She’s Beauty and The Beast. It’s so simple and so clever and so perfectly done. Words cannot stress how much I love this outfit.

If you’ve ever talked to me or read anything I’ve written, you know how much I love Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. I know I’m not alone; it’s highly regarded by a lot of horror fans. That’s why it’s so strange that I rarely see anyone dressed as the titular villain/hero/killer. So, when I come across someone dressed as Leslie Vernon, I proceed to get super excited, jump up and down and take pictures.

Such a cool looking costume. I need more Leslie Vernons at my conventions.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but Freddy’s eating the pizza filled with meatballs with human faces is one of my least favorite scenes in the series. It makes my skin crawl.

Anyway, here is Freddy serving up some “soul food.” I did not look closely at the pizza, so I cannot confirm if there were faces. For my own peace of mind, I’m going to go ahead and assume that it was just a normal pizza. No faces at all, no sir.

This was at the back of the floor. This man was huge and had arms that didn’t seem capable of doing anything but sticking straight out. I have no idea how he made it through all the aisles and I don’t particularly care. I’m proud of you, Mr. Count Chocula, sir.

I would also like an official Count Chocula meddallion. No rush or anything, but Christmas would be cool.

Like the terrible journalist I am, I neglected to get this artist’s name. Every time I walked by, he was working on this charcoal piece of Nosferatu. It’s incredible.

Jareth, The Goblin King. More approachable than I would have though, given the whole “goblin” thing.

They’re looking at me. They’re both looking at me. My time has come. Tell my family I love them.

/checks calendar

Oh, nevermind. The Purge isn’t for another month or so. GET LOST, HIPPIES.

This was a husband/wife team. I’ve seen them before and I’ve never bought anything. I have no idea why. The paintings are amazing, but it’s the wood burning that really drew me in. All of them are done by hand. They have a perfect recreation of the poster for Freaks – you can see it a little to the left of the man in the picture – that took them over a week to create. It’s perfect. It’s all perfect. Next year I’ll be all moved into my new house and I will be buying at least one thing from this table.

One of my favorite things of going to conventions is seeing characters from different movies interacting with each other. Pinhead and the Ghostbusters? Sure. Why not?

This was the last picture I took before I left the floor. I saw them quite a few times, but it was always on the other side of the floor from where I was. So I stalked them across the convention floor. I was tired and my feet hurt, but I needed a picture of Tucker and Dale so I kept it up. I was relentless. And when I finally got my picture, I was not disappointed. Their facial expressions are absolutely perfect.

I don’t know about you guys, but those legs look pretty heavy for half a guy.

One final story, sadly unaccompanied by a picture.

I have a system at conventions these days. It’s relatively dead on Friday, so I hit the floor on Friday and scout everything. If I see something I can’t live without, I buy it. I stop and talk to a lot of vendors. I’m relatively free to roam and look around. I take a few pictures, but not many, mainly because there aren’t a ton of people around.

But Saturday? Oh, Saturday. My only agenda is to roam the floor and take pictures of everyone in costume. I stop and talk to people if they’re up for it. But, mainly, I just walk the floor a dozen times looking for good costumes.

So there I am, walking the floor aimlessly. I feel a little pressure on my back, but I think nothing of it. I feel a little more pressure and it’s clear that someone is pushing me to the side. I turn around, ready to give a disapproving look, and find myself looking directly at Danny Trejo. He could have killed me with his mind if he wanted to, but he spared me. Danny, I thank you and my family thanks you.

It was another tremendous year at ScareFest. If you ever get a chance to go, I can’t recommend it highly enough. The floor is huge, the panels are great and everyone is amazing. And if you happen to see a guy with a camera around his neck, grinning like an idiot the whole time? That’s just me. Stop me and say hey.

I’m already counting down the days until next year.