Top 10 Women in Horror

So to celebrate Women in Horror week here is my Top 10 picks. Most of these women still have restraining orders on me!

10. Calico Cooper – Daughter of Alice Cooper. Without a feature film under her belt as of yet, she has done some modeling, replaced her mother on stage as Nurse Rosetta in her father’s show, and had a major part in Wednesday 13’s video “Get Your Grave On”. She never returned any of my phone calls, texts, or emails and I’m sure the cop she sent with the restraining order to my house was only a joke. “Call me, Cali!” (Waiving phone sign in the air).

9. Shawnee Smith – As Amanda Young in the Saw series. (She also played Julie in The Stand made for television movie based on the Stephen King novel). As everyone’s favorite heroin addict, Amanda was the only person (other than Jigsaw himself) to be featured in every Saw film. Smith pulls off this vital character to the story and in turn makes us empathize for Jigsaw alongside of her. Whether she was trapped in a reverse facial bear trap, or administering glucocorticoid steroids to Jigsaw, Shawnee/Amanda won our blackened goth hearts.

8. Danielle Harris – The queen of the new generation of scream queens. Starting off young in Halloween 4, and 5 and then again as an adult in Rob Zombie’s remake, this kitten has claws. She has battled Michael Myers, Victor Crowley, vampires, and urban legends. This chick actually looks hotter with the more blood you splash on her! Bedroom eyes, sassy smile, sweet, petite, and tattooed.  Me-freaking-ow!

7. Ingrid Pitt – Made famous by her many vampire Hammer Horror films. This buxom polish actress inspired legions of women to “vamp” up their styles in their roles of sexy vampires. Before her death she was the featured voice of Countess Bathory on Cradle Of Filth’s album “Cruelty and the Beast”.

6. Vampira (Maila Nurmi) – Inspired by the comic strip version of Morticia Addams, this Broadway dancer inspired other horror themed television hostesses with her gorgeous gothic looks. She enjoyed a successful career in B Horror films, but later left the industry. The beautiful scar that she placed on our memory never left us though.

5. Jamie Lee Curtis – The original scream queen. Horror has been in her blood ever since her mother Janet Leigh was murdered in the Psycho shower scene. (Leigh later returned to join Jamie onscreen during the filming of “The Fog”). Yeah, she does Activia commercials today, but she has the right to advertise anything she wants today.

4. Morticia Addams (Carolyn Jones) – The character was originally from a comic strip by Charles Addams. Carolyn Jones breathed new life into the tall, thin, matriarch of the family. Phased by very little, but obviously had something to hide behind locked doors with the way Gomez would jump at any chance to kiss her neck and hands. The Tease always pushed him away; maybe it was her way of saying “Later if you’re a good boy.”

3. Lily Munster (Yvonne De Carlo) – My heart is thumping as I write this! Okay, let me take a breath. Many monster boys tuned in wishing their mother looked like the temptress with a white strip in her hair and vampire bat necklace. (I bought Mrs. Rasputin a replica of it…You know…just to wear when…uh…yeah). Watch an old episode and look at the way she glides when she walked. Elegance really is poetry in motion. “Oh baby Lily Munster, ain’t got nothing on you!” – Black No. 1, Type O Negative

2. Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) – Ok, so she had sex with Elvis, and she totally ripped off Vampira (which later resulted in a lawsuit between the two). But she is witchy, quirky, curvy, and loaded with quick witted horror/sexual humor. Now I love, Love, LOVE curves on my dark haired, pale skin beauties, and this one has the Jack O’ Lanterns to line my driveway!  I met her two years ago at a horror convention and got the obligatory picture and autograph. Perspiration started flowing, my eyes popped out, my jaw hit the ground, my tongue rolled across the floor as I panted like a dog at the sight of her.  This was the woman that caused me to go into puberty at the sight of her lying on a couch. She was in her late 50’s but looked better than more than half of the 30 year olds I know. I guess she could sense I was about to have an aneurism when she put her arms around me for a picture and whispered in my ear, “Sweetie, you’re trembling.”  (Be still my dead heart).

1. Mrs. Rasputin – Yeah, that’s right, my wife! She never exactly done anything in horror, (other than me) but she’s into me, and I’m into horror, so therefore by the six degrees of separation, she’s into horror. Did you follow that? Now why exactly does this Italian Jennifer Connelly look alike with massive curves in all the right places, have anything to do with a creep like me is beyond me.  (Actually, I do. It’s my electrifying, rugged, good looks and my charismatic personality. But don’t take my word for it. Ask anyone.) But over our time together I’ve noticed her wardrobe is changing to all black, her hair keeps getting darker, and her clothes have turned over the years from Guess and Express brand to Harley Davidson, and the décor around my house is starting to look more and more gothic. It doesn’t hurt that she looks amazing walking around in my old Danzig t-shirts either. Our first date was to see Freddy Vs. Jason, we were engaged on Halloween, honeymooned at the Bell Witch Cave, and spend each anniversary in a different haunted hotel in New Orleans.  She supports my love for everything in this genre, and that means morgue than words to me.

 

Honorable Mention:

Anne Rice – As an author, I’ve learned more from reading her stuff than any other author of the modern era. Her works include gothic vampires, witch covens, and even romance all based around the city of New Orleans. Her use of detail in her stories is amazing. Try this; pick a location in one of her books. Google that location. It will exist on a map AND be precisely how she described it. In her book The Blood Canticle, she writes “I see you (Lestat) having coffee all the time in the second window of Café  DuMonde.” I heard a rumor that she then paid a Lestat look alike after the book was out to sit in that same window on Halloween to drink coffee while people walked by! I met her once and she told me “If Lestat was real; he would look just like you.”  I also own one of her gowns she wore at her Lestat Ball, a token from the all, a beer (unopened) that was made specifically for the Ball and two of her dolls from her personal collection. No, I’m not a stalker. My shrink calls me an “avid collector”.

Sherri Moon Zombie – Wife of Rob Zombie. Say what you will about Rob’s films and his casting of Sherri in everything he does, but the truth remains that she played one hell of a “crazy as a shit house rat” psychopath in her role of Baby Firefly. Her Go-Go style of modeling on most of his covers and inner art work isn’t bad stuff either.

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