THEY CAME FROM URANUS

In an earlier article I brought up the zombie craze which has made me wonder, wouldn’t it be wiser to prepare for an Alien invasion? Where is the fear for some sort of Alien race invading the earth and taking it over and enslaving all humans? So before you read this article any further, prepare your tin foil hat.

Now you may be wondering why exactly I have told you to prepare your tin foil hats, it is so that the extra terrestrials can’t read your mind. They could be on to the fact that we are aware of them? Have you considered that maybe the entire zombie craze was produced by the Martians in order to direct your attention away from the fact that they exist as well as their anal probing? If you haven’t hopefully you have now but there are several types of aliens that we must be aware of, here are a few examples of films that you should watch in order to ensue your own safety.

First off we have Predator. As we have seen in the two film installments they are not fearful of invading our planet but they tend to only hunt down what they would find a challenge such as military personel and things of that matter. If you ever come in contact with an alien of this species, the best thing for you to do is cover yourself in mud. He sees through the use of infrared vision, this means it picks up on the heat given off from your body. If you do so then you should be pretty much well set to escape it. Now to kill it, you have to be absolutely physically dominant against it, there are no mess ups when fighting a predator.

Second is Alien. I’m not specifically sure what this species name is but these things are vicious, they attack at random rather than only killing the more physically dominant of a specie. So hide your kids, hide your husbands, and hide your wives because this creature is killing errybody. There isn’t too many ways of killing them but just remember when doing so their wounds spit out acid. Yes that’s right, their blood is acid. It will literally eat right through your face if you aren’t careful. In my opinion if you encounter one of these and you aren’t ready or willing to take it on. Run;run as fast as you can but don’t guarantee because you do so that your life is any less safe than taking it on in a head to head battle.

The third species of course are “The Martians” as featured in the film “Mars Attacks”. Upon their arrival, do not release any birds of peace. They will take this as a threat. Then get pissed off and start killing everything on the planet. This specie is pretty vicious. One of their main focuses is to kill off the humans and take over the planet. Unlike the Predators or the Aliens, their main goal is to hurt us, this isn’t any sort of accidental invasion or random hunt gone wrong. This is them invading to murder us. You must avoid their laser rays. Being shot by one of their guns results in your disintegration and death so be weary. As to kill them it is pretty simple. All you have to do is play “Indian Love Call” by slim Whitman and you will rid of the Martian menace in no time at all. Their heads will begin to explode upon hearing the song.

Finally, the species from Starship Troopers. These insectoids are brain suckers, they stab your head with their claws and suck your brains out. They are truly relentless death machines. If I remember correctly the best manner of killing them is to start blasting them and of course you have to shout out an awesome catch phrase as you do so “I’M A LEAD FARMER MOTHER FUCKER”. If the information I have given you is false and your brain gets eaten by one of these things then that’s on you for not confirming that what I said is in fact true. For all you know I could be one of them typing this with my alien claw thingies as as I slurp down some delicious brains.

These are the four main alien species that you do in fact need to be aware of as apposed to the alien species of District 9 or Signs. In fact all you have to do to kill the alien scum from Signs is throw water on them and they’ll die so swing away George, swing away. Hopefully as you read this your tin foil hat was nice and snug on top of your head. Then you pulled your family into whichever room you’re reading this from and you discussed your survival plan. If not;then you should, little Timmy doesn’t need to die because you decided to be stupid and not come up with a plan. Prepare your weapons and start stocking up just in case because like with some sort of biochemical warfare that can kick up in a heart beat creating zombies, Aliens can just as well invade the planet and begin taking over zapping us into oblivion or eating our brains. So let’s get prepared to SAVE MOTHER EARTH!!!

I want to know what your survival plan is for the Alien invasion, leave me a comment below.

2 thoughts on “THEY CAME FROM URANUS”

  1. I don’t believe in alien invasions. I accept that they exist just the same as we do and always have. They are, clearly, more intelligent than us. Why would they want to come here? We’re probably their version of Seinfeld. Complaining about nothing.

    1. There are so many reasons for them to invade that it would take forever for me to list them. If they are aware of how stupid of a civilization we are then that’s all the more reason for them to take over this crusty rock we live on.

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