Noferatu, where are you?

Vampires, what do you think of when you hear that word? Hopefully your thoughts drift towards vicious blood thirsty creatures of the night; the tales of Dracula and Van Helsing. Unfortunately there is a generation that will not associate the word “vampire” with these things. Instead they will think of a certain franchise most famous for a certain twinkly cry baby sissy boy by the name of Edward Cullen and his love for a teenage girl Bella . There’s also a werewolf guy thrown in the bunch. Now in case you aren’t familiar with the Twilight franchise it’s about a girl (Bella) that falls in love with a vampire (Edward) then some shit goes down, he twinkles and the other guy from the triangle turns out to be a werewolf. She’s like 16 years old wanting to bone this vampire guy that has to be pretty old. As you know a vampire is already dead so she would be committing the act of necrophilia which as we all know is just nasty. Eventually I think they get it on and she has a baby or something. I don’t know though, I’m not a Twilight enthusiast as you can tell, in fact it’s an entire series that should just be looked over It’s bad enough that it blew up as big as it did. Lets take a moment to thank those chubby emo girls that hang out at Hot Topic for this malicious fecal distribution. Not only are the vampires and werewolves terrible in this but so are the humans. Anyone that looks up to Bella as a role model is pitiful, if you want a really great strong female role model look to Buffy The Vampire slayer and in this era of vampire media, I sure do miss her because she had the guts to go out there and take care of buisness. You know what she would do to Mr. Twinkletoes a.k.a Edward? She would drive a stake through his heart and cut off his head. It’s just so terrible that a franchise like Twilight could destroy the mythology as it has, it needs to stop. Hopefully in the next few years some sort of revolution will take place bringing back the carnage, blood, and mayhem that were once attached to the vampire name rather than this cheesy jingo jango romance rubbish. Hopefully vampires will no longer be associated with those silly little fan girls and their obsessive love with a sparkly spineless imbecile. Maybe we’ll see more movies like The Lost Boys, Fright Night’80s, From Dusk Till Dawn, and 30 days of night. I feel that vampires are in desperate need of a reboot. If you are falling in love with the evil Nosferatu rather than fearing them then something is seriously wrong. In a sense it does make you wonder though if some sort of vampire illuminati put out the Twilight series so a new generation wouldn’t fear them as much and they would be able to feast upon their blood a lot easier. Although I do have to admit that it is a genius horror series on the sole basis of the countless nights spent awake fearing more and more merchandising, books, or movies being released; or anytime that I would make a joke about the series and some obnoxious 14 year old girl would throw a brick through my window threatening me. As for vampires, here’s to hoping that it gets better.

2 thoughts on “Noferatu, where are you?”

  1. I believe you have a lot of valid points, but I also believe that you have to search out your preferred vampire storyline. That’s the beauty of vampires; it can be 100% horror, or you can add some extra feelings into it. I’m sorry to say that I read all four of those books; I “hate read” them.( I needed to be able to argue my points with people who alleged these were proper works of fiction.) The Lost Boys is one of my all time favorite movies because it’s a horror movie, but there is some “girl stuff” in there as well. You liked it and I liked it; everybody wins!!

    1. The romance is always going to be there with vampires but Vampires just don’t sparkle in the sun light. I don’t care how stupid they are.

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