Frankenqueen

Imagine my delight when I came across a movie titled “Frankenqueen”; it has a couple of stars in it’s viewers ratings and is classified as Horror. Here is the Netflix description: “A getaway at a plastic surgeon’s Malibu mansion turns deadly for a group of young men as their mad scientist hostess implements a homicidal agenda.”  Sounds like tons of fun, right?

Well, this could have been a camp-tastic horror fest if there was any horror involved in the movie. At all. A group of young men, who don’t own shirts, are staying at a mansion to participate in some unspecified scientific experiments. There are A LOT of scenes that involve an exceptionally handsome man walking in circles around the property. I’m not kidding. He walks and walks and walks while generic horror type music plays.  All of this walking tuckers him out and he lays down in bed. This is when the “mad scientist” comes in and, presumably, checks the progress of her “work”. I’m pretty sure she’s just running a book light slowly over his body to show off his obvious high level of fitness. Her tests include watching the men workout, for a really long time, and take showers. This is, basically, a porn with no sex. So, it’s a “horror” movie with no horror and a “sexy” movie with no sex. The only amusing thing about this movie, besides the eye candy, is when the mad scientist name checks Massive Dynamic. That’s right! One of these subjects is a spy and, perhaps, he’s working for Massive Dynamic!! If only I had been watching an episode of Fringe instead of this……movie. If you would still like to spend 90 minutes with this movie, then I will refrain from spoiling the “crazy” ending.

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